Tales of the Parodyverse

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Spaztic Chyld
Wed Oct 05, 2005 at 12:04:09 am EDT
Subject
"Crunch Time!!"
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It was a dark and stormy night in the city of Parodopolis, and one lone man stood alone in the middle of the street as the rains came pouring down. The drenched man had a look of utter desperation on his face, yet he seemed too stunned to move. His name is Spaztic Chyld, the spaztastic Superhero of Parodopolis, missing for many a long days, until now...

Coming to his senses, he shakes his head and looks to the skies in awe and wonder. Then as if waking from a dream he remembers something very important and starts searching his pockets for candy. Unable to find any, he is left to his unenhanced powers and starts to jog down the street to the nearest store. Running into the "Slow-Lee Mart," he reaches the candy aisle and loads up his arms with chocolate. Indeed this errand is much to important to leave to the less effective laffy-taffy chews. Reaching the counter, he pulls out his MegaBank Debit card and pays for the candybars.

"Would you like a bag for those?" asks the clerk.

"Don't have time for bags," Spaztic Chyld says as he starts peeling and cramming chocolate down his throat. He finishes the twenty chocolate bars in one minute and thirty seconds flat.

"Gosh Mister, you musta been real hungry.." the clerk says in a sort of awe.

"Quick! What day is it?"

"Tuesday, I think."

"NO!! What's the date!! The date man, and quick!!!"

"Oh.. Uh, it's Tuesday October 4th."

"Holy rusted plutonium! It can't be that late!!!" And in a blur, Spaztic Chyld disappears in a blur.


A greyish-white flash streaks down the street and stops in front of the public library. A giant "Closed" sign flits in the wet wind as he comes to a hault before the doors. "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" His cry echos accross the city. Somewhere across town an old man leans out his window and yells back, but Spaztic can't hear him.

Spaztic Chyld speeds off to the college library, but the books that he needs to read are all gone! He checks the computers and all online files seem to have been erased. "Crud!" he whispers loudly and breaks the table as he slams his fist. Before the Librarian is able to find out who was causing the noise, Spaztic is gone again.

Three counties away, he finds a small library and cons the little old lady there to let him borrow some books. Breezing through the pages at incredible speeds, he finishes all of the books and writes an annotated bibliography, then runs back to parodopolis. He turns in this paper to the teacher and she stuffs it in her bag and walks away.

Sighing, Spaztic leans against a statue of one of the founders of the college and it falls on top of him, knocking him out.

Later that night, Indiana Gnome and Gunthar come across this passed out hero.

"What do you think happened here? Some heinous crime maybe?" Asks Indiana as he inspects the scene.

"Nope," Gunthar looks at Spaztic and grins knowingly. "This was all about crunch time on a school project."




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